Killing It!

Man am I bad at this blogging thing XD.

But I'm gonna get better! It's one of my resolutions!

Just like this rad journey of getting an obnoxiously sexy post-prego body. I want to be the hot mom. I want to be the eye candy. Once upon a time, I used to believe that would never happen. But not anymore! It's totally going to happen. I have no doubt!

Every year I pick a theme song. Last year was Florence+Machine's "Shake It Out". I felt way emo and kind of left behind, what with the whole getting pregnant in the midst of trying to find myself, and it just felt right.

This year it's Katy Perry's "Roar". All. The. Way.

I am going to kill this year like you wouldn't believe! In fact, I think I've already done a pretty damn good job of killing this year already...and we're only 3 weeks in! I feel so good right now. I'm already stronger. I'm seeing results, if only barely...but I feel great. There is considerably less jiggle when I walk. I ran...like actually ran - we're talking 6 mph on the treadmill...I wouldn't have been able to do that a month ago. About the only thing I still can't really do are side planks. That shit is tough, people. But I'm working on it.

I'm currently doing what I was originally doing last year. Following the workout calendar over at Blogilates. I love, love, LOVE this woman. And judge me if you want, but little miss Cassey Ho is totally great at keeping me motivated. She's happy and upbeat and has this crazy way of always knowing when I'm about ready to stop something and telling me to keep it up. She's like magic. I started following pretty hard core when I got the OK from the doc to hit the gym again, and when I started I had no clue I would have the results I'm already having. It's crazy. And her 12 week meal plan is pretty delish to boot.

I have goals. Goals that might seem a little crazy. But my motto with everything is "Go big or go home!" (I need to make a printable and hang it everywhere in my house I think...) But here is my map!

(I've typed and erased this a bajillion times because I'm actually going to put numbers that people I know might actually see...it's HARD...oh man. Ok. Remember I was pregnant!)

215 by February 15 - which I'm already ahead of this!
200 by March 29 - Golden Birthday! Oh yeah!
180 by June 5 - oh that's a little scary...but totally doable if I keep this pace!
150 by Mid October

I can do it! I am SO confident I can do it this time around. I'm a ways away, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel; I can see the possibility of a super fit, super-hot-mom version of me. I'm quite the fan of it!

I've redone my "Reward For Awesome Weight Loss!" system: (eventually I make this a pretty graphic)
(based off lost pounds obviously)

5 - Sports Bra Met! 1-20-14
10 - Yoga Pants
15 - Workout Shirts
20 - Birthday Outfit
25 - Lush Shopping Trip
30 - "Always" Tattoo - to add to my Dark Mark
35 - Victoria Secret Shopping Trip
40 - Etsy Jewelry Binge
45 - Swim Suit
50 - Cosplay Photo Shoot
55 - Thigh Tattoo Touch Up
60 - Awesome Goth Tights Binge
65 - Lingerie
70 - Corset
75 - Labyrinth Tattoo Add On
80 - Boudoir Shoot From Powder Puff Pin Up

 I keep this bad boy posted in front of my face in my awesome fit journal where I can see it multiple times a day. I can't wait to reach the end! I've been drooling over Powder Puff Pin Up for years now.

So yeah. I have a lot of work to do...but different from every other year, I'm actually succeeding!

Awesomeness!

edit: it's really been a month since I've posted anything?! I really AM bad at this...

"It's Going Down...I'm Yelling Timber!"

Oh my goodness.

So I didn't work out Christmas Eve...or Christmas Day...in fact I "took this week off" as in I decided not to weigh myself since it's the holiday and all. Plus I have Christmas Eve traditions I just can't ignore...see Nana's cut out cookies, gumbo, and Meet Me in St. Louis. But I learned something in this mini break.

I hate working out.

BUT!

I totally love it.

I'm for serious. Hello contradiction!

Today was a cardio heavy workout and for some reason, I've kind of skipped them this month....cause I sort of prefer pounding away on the elliptical. I don't know why...I feel more accomplished for some reason. Maybe it's because I can see the super high estimated calories I burn on the screen or something. But I did almost all of it tonight (hello, I'm still way out of a shape I've never been in!). But then Ke$ha and Pitbull's new song came on..."Timber"...and I'm all like it's on!

Shit is totally happening this time! I can feel it!

I will make people jealous of me. Oh you better believe it.

Gosh! I feel so good after a workout!

When Life Hands You Lemons, Make A Baby!

So this happened:

Yep. I'm serious.

I went back and looked and my last post was February 5th. Almost exactly 8 months later, this little button arrived. Her name is Rinoa and she's pretty much the most awesome thing ever. And looking back at the totally emoness of that post...my mood totally makes sense to me now!

I had thought about posting some in the midst of pregnancy, but it obviously never happened. And that's ok. Because really I think it would have messed with my head some. And pregnancy messed with my whole get fit mentality enough...I didn't need any extra help.

My pregnancy itself was pretty easy, I guess. But the first trimester totally killed me. All I did was sleep and think. For the first month I got super depressed. I had these grand fitness plans that were deliciously outlined in my very first post. And then I got pregnant and I couldn't push myself anymore. I got terrified of everything. And then my morning sickness, while it wasn't bad, I had zero appetite up until halfway through my second trimester.

But this pregnancy taught me a lot about my body. My body is seriously capable of being fit. I'm not sure what the final total was...I haven't weighed myself yet...but I'm pretty sure I never went over the 30 lb mark of preggo weight gain. I didn't blow up like I was always afraid I would.
 

 Above was probably about 10 weeks

 This was 37 weeks

This was about 4 weeks Post Partum

At 8 weeks, I still have some of the original baby bloat. My appetite was still on par with my pregnancy metabolism, and since things have slowed down, my body hasn't finished adjusting yet. And I'm ok with that as long as I finish adjusting here soon.

I'm still debating on whether or not I'm going to weigh myself. I may just do this all based off inches and appearance. But then I need to figure out a new reward system...which for some reason seems daunting. And while I might not have this all completely gone 

3 weeks later, I changed my mind! I am weighing myself...While inches are nice to go by, I couldn't figure out how many inches to lose...so I stuck with weight. Cause I know how much I need to lose and it's just waaaaay simpler.

I'm rushing right back into losing 50 pounds by Phoenix Comicon again. And I know I can totally do it.

Luckily I was able to get in with the #fullbodymakeover over at blogilates.I'm following her workout calander to the best of my ability and I'm following her 12 week meal plan, which is daunting, but is forcing me to try new things. I've already made homemade banana pancakes, crepes, and tortillas!

I'm feeling fancy up in here.

I'm 3 weeks in right now with 2 weeks on the meal plan. I have already lost a few pounds and inches and I'm getting way stronger a lot faster than I thought I would, which is so awesome. I psyche myself out a lot, thinking that the end is so far away and I'll never see progress. But I'm sure I'll start seeing it soon! It takes 4 weeks for me to notice, right? And my stretch marks are already looking more pink that red/purple!

My first hurdle is 10 pounds...I always seem to lose steam super fast after 10 pounds...that hurdle is fast approaching.

I promise to update this way more often!

The Days They Blend Together

Depression, when based on poor self esteem and poor body image, is a severely terrible vicious cycle.

I feel bad about myself
Nom nom on the cookies
Now I'm totally looking fat and old
Nom nom on the burger and fries
I shouldn't be eating this
Frown, cry, and nom nom on something bad some more.
Rinse and Repeat.

I feel like crap...and depressed...and then I eat...and feel like crap because of what I'm doing. And you'd think the obvious solution would be to only feed my emotions with healthy foods, but my brain takes on a life of it's own. It's like invasion of the body snatchers and before I know it, half a container of those delicious sugar cookies with the heaping mound of frosting is already gone.

And to top it all off, I wore the least flattering, slinky, clingy top I probably own to work today. I look like crap. I'm hanging out all over the place and you can see the jiggle when I walk. This will get washed and then promptly thrown into the closet of "clothes I'll fit into because I did when I met my husband". In there would be my goal size 10 skinny jeans from Old Navy that I haven't worn in a really really long time.

The Super Bowl was this weekend and we had friends in town. I might as well have been turned into an actual pig with what I put into my mouth. It was outrageous. But I didn't stop it. I thought about it a few times...unfortunately, however, that thing about it being the thought that counts, doesn't work when you stuff your face with mini corndogs and beer and super bowl party munchies for an entire weekend.

I haven't weighed myself and I'm debating on whether or not to put it off for another week.

I feel like such a failure. I always get to the 10 lb loss mark and something in me just reverts back to old ways. It drives me crazy and makes me sad that I could be so weak. Again. I can get tattoos. I did roller derby. I can break bones without shedding a single tear. But ask me to say no to those cookies and you might as well kill me now.

This is hard! I knew it was going to be tough...but man! Between the plague and now my sciatic nerve going completely haywire, I'm forced to rely completely on my diet...which is obviously incredibly difficult. Massive sigh.

I don't know how, but I have to get through this.

Don't Judge a Recipe By Its Name

I'm in a food rut. I'm in a lot of ruts, actually....but we'll concentrate on food right now. I'm plagued with chronic boredom I think. If I do too much of something, it kind of grates on me and I just don't want to have anything to do with it for a while. Whether is be my gloriously amazing craft room, reading, healthy foods, or exercise.

Our dinners are sooooooo boring! Protein and veggie, protein and veggie, protein and just shoot me please. And this is seriously all it is. Chicken or fish, occasionally some red meat and then some sort of frozen veggie on the side that is hardly doctored up.

Lunches are no better.

I. Need. Variety. This second.

In trying to find some recipes, I'm realizing that I'm seriously judgmental when it comes to food. Specifically the names of these recipes. Some of the names just sound so funny! How can I take an entree called "Tuna Noodle Doodles" seriously. Come on now! And then there are the cases where I come across a dandy sounding recipe, skim through the ingredients and see Greek yogurt, plain yogurt, cottage cheese or any other such random healthy foods I can't stand on their own, and I immediately write this possible deliciousness off.

Oh man.

Hi my name is Sarah and I have a judgmental food prejudice.

I'm off to find some recipes....I HAVE to experiment with some of these.

Day 28: 211.5 lbs - Plagues, Formulas, and Workouts...Oh My!

So I've seriously been stuck on writing this thing for like a week and a half. Everyday I open up my draft and have to change the day....

This stupid plague flu that is going around.... Holy smokes, man. I started coughing last Sunday and then it just killed me. I was out of work for 3.5 days, stuck to the couch, surviving on soups and heaping servings of teen angst via Netflix.I haven't been to the gym in over a week, but I've managed to lose some weight still (yay!!). I started biking home from Batman's workplace again this week; and while I'm huffing like a smoker and totally dead by the time I get home, it's a step in the right direction.

I'm officially down 7.5 pounds now. I'm kind of behind where I need to be to stay on track, but I still think I've made a ton of progress. I need to lose 22 more pounds by my birthday, which is just a little over 9 weeks away....2.4 pounds a week. I need to magically find a caloric deficit of 8400 for that happen.According to the Harris Benedict Equation, to maintain my current grossness, I'll need 2440 calories a day. So between diet and exercise, I have to find a deficit of 1200 calories. I think it's totally doable. I'm thinking, consuming about 1400 calories. I burn about 200 or so on my 5 mile ride home, and I do more cardio at the gym to kill time until Batman is done so there is the rest of the deficit. I can totally do this!

I had issues last week trying to find a workout routine to follow. I was torn between the type of body I ultimately want. I know genetics plays a part, and quite frankly, I'm a little nervous about what the "fit" me will look like, since I've never actually seen her. I want so many different things for me. I want to be lean and fit and strong, but I also want that beautiful long dancer's body. I had so much anxiety over this decision when really I had already made it. I posted this on Facebook a few weeks ago:

"Hear this! Before 2013 is over this will happen:

Weigh 150 lbs
Do 3 unassisted pull ups
Do 1 full set of hanging leg lifts
Be able to punch somebody
Have confidence to stand up for myself"

So I'm just going to go for it and do what I need to do and not dwell on it. I have these goals and I need to get going. I decided to follow the Muscle and Fitness Trainer, which gave me a pretty hefty strength workout, but one that is completely doable and changes weekly. No muscle memory issues for me!

I'm going to do this.I'm going to break up with my fat!

Day 15: 214.2 lbs - Shake It Out

4.8 pounds lost forever! 25.2 pounds to go by my birthday!

I can totally do this. I just need to stay on track and pay attention to my diet....cause that is where I suck. I'll think of yummy, fatty, super carb heavy foods that sound really good and then I'll go have them...just to have them. Not because I was hungry, not because I needed their empty nutrition, but because I just got to thinking about them. And then I got to craving them so much that I could taste them....and then I just had to eat it. This happened yesterday with one of those frosted Honey Bun sugar loaded contraptions you can get at the gas station. I caved and got it....but I didn't gain anything, so I guess there is a small upside.

I can't kill myself every time I slip up. I just need to stay in control. A slip up here or there, seriously spaced out, is not going to kill me. A slip up here or there, every other day or so, will. I will be doing everything possible to keep my cravings in check, while still understanding that I am a female and sometimes, I just need to act on them or force as huge binge in like a week.

Florence + The Machine's song Shake It Out is my anthem for 2013. I'm changing! At nearly 28, I'm finally starting to figure out who I am. A seamstress, crafter, costumer, wife. This year I'll be refining. New adjectives will describe me! Confident, sexy, fit. This is the year that I will be everything I want to be.

I have every hope I can keep this momentum up. My goals are attainable. I WILL do this.